My 13 y/o stepdaughter has been very disrespectful & hateful to her father & I lately. Punishment?

You can't use the hard tactics on her I guess. By suspending her email account and not allowing her to attend softball games will only make her more rebellious. Instead of trying to control her, do things such as attending her softball games when she's playing to show your support. Punishment obviously don;t work on her. Perhaps if possible you can try getting her mother to talk to her? Or a third party whom she respects. It is easier for them to get some sense into her head than you or your husband. All the best. =)